A high-class-looking woman sat down next to me on the train. I took in a breath and asked aloud, “What’s that smell?”
She turned to me, looked down her nose, and said, “Chanel, 500 dollars an ounce.” She turned away. About 10 minutes later, I let out a silent fart. She turns to me and asks, “What’s that smell?”
I say, “Broccoli, $1.49 a pound.”
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A guy was driving for hours
Seems a guy was driving for hours thu desolate country when he passed a farmhouse, and before he could react, a cat ran out in front of him and splat … he flattened the cat.
Out of kindness and consideration, he stopped, turned around and drove back to the farmhouse to notify the occupants. When the housewife came to the door, said he, “Pardon memadame, but I just ran over a cat in front of your house, and assumed that it must belong to you. I know this might be hard to hear, but I wanted to let you know instead of just driving off….”
“Not so fast”, says she. “How do you know it was our cat? Could you describe him? What does he look like?”
The man promptly flopped down on the ground, and said “He looks like this”as he gave his best shot at a dead cat impression.
“Oh no, you horrible man”, she replied. “I meant, what did he look like before you hit him?”
At that, the man got up, covered his eyes with both hands and screamed “Agggghhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!”
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Two salesmen were going door to door, and knocked on the door of a woman who was not happy to see them.
She told them in certain terms that she did not want to hear their offer and slammed the door in their faces.
To her surprise, however, the door did not close and, in fact, bounced back open.
She tried again, really put her back into it, and slammed the door again with the same result — the door bounced back open.
Convinced, these rude people were sticking their foot in the door, she reared back to give it a slam that would teach them a lesson, when one of them said:
“Ma’am, before you do that again, you need to move your cat.”
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